"Deception is a cruel act...... It often has many players on different stages that corrode the soul".
- Donna A. Favors
Journey of a Lost Child
By
Robin Preston Golliher
This is a True Story about abuse.........
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I never knew, when I was a child, right from wrong. My dad beat me until I bled for six weeks. I was 13 years old. My mother would not take me to the doctor until the bruises were gone. I was so weak she almost had to carry me. All the beatings I took made me a very hard person. I thought that running away from home would solve the problem. I thought I would be home free. But was I wrong. The streets were no better or worse. I became a rape victim by my uncle. And then came the bad relationships. I always picked the controlling type male. It was as though I had better behave or I would suffer the consequences. Most of my relationships were for a place to stay, so I would not have to go back home. So I took what was dished out, and I dealt with it. At 14 I had the mind of a 21 year old, and looked it. At the age of 19, I became pregnant, and married him to give my child a name. I thought it was for the best. Was I ever wrong. The physical abuse got worse while I was pregnant. We pulled each others hair. At times, we held knives to each other and guns . To make a long story short, I had my son. But the abuse did not stop there, it got worse. He began doing drugs and I would stay in the bedroom with my son to keep him safe. Over and over I told myself that I had to get out of this marriage for my son's sake. I wasn't important, my son was. I waited for that day to come and when it did, I ran. That wasn't the end of it. I was staying at my girlfriend's house, when he broke in and lifted my son off of the floor. My friend and I were in another room and our babies were playing on the floor. My son at the time was 18 months old. I did everything to find him for 2 years, as my divorce was going on. No one would help me not even the police. They told me that since I was still married, and the divorce had not been final, that he had rights also. After almost 3 years looking for my son, I went ahead with my divorce just to get my husband out of my life. It did not stop there. He stalked me for over 10 years. He would break into my home, and steal items to let me know it was him. He would see me on the highway, and ram my car, to run me off the road. He sliced all four of my tires, and put sugar in my gas tank. It was at that point, people at my job, would follow me to my car and then to my house. Life for me was a nightmare. I fell for the same kind of male again, and got pregnant. He would threaten to throw me over the balcony of our apartment, while I was pregnant. But when he tried to take my son, I held a knife to his throat, to get him to hand me back my son. I did not sleep at night, as long as he was in the house. As soon as I found away out, I took my son and ran as far as I could. I never saw him again. I had my son with me, and he was safe. I became a single mom, raising my child with no where to go. I had no chose but to go to my first ex husband's mom's house to put a roof over my son's head. I had to deal with my stalker's face everyday. He would bring my oldest son over so that he could see me get upset. Again I was in a bad situation. Again I had to run to the very first man that showed me attention. He was 10 years older than me. At first we got along, so we married. The he and his family did not tell me he was a recovering alcoholic. He threw ash trays at my head. He hit my son in the eye when he was 2 years old and blacken it. I was on the lookout again for a way out. I was angry that no one told me he was a drug addict and an alcoholic. I would go over and visit him so he would go to AA. It worked for awhile, but then the drugs and drinking started again. It seemed as though every way I went, abuse was waiting for me. Mental and physical. I was called a whore, a bitch and a slut. I was told I was stupid, ugly and just out right dumb. I became a zombie and numb. I believed everyone. I felt stupid and down right ugly. In my mind, I couldn't do anything right it. I even moved to another state. Over 800 miles in a different direction so I could get on my feet and support my son. I was lost and alone. I needed help. By the time I was 30, I was at the therapist every other day. But I was so numb that even the therapist could not pull me out of my state of mind. Medication helped me to feel some what better, but again by the age of 32, I was in a relationship again. I should have gotten the red alert, when his mom called me a whore. She did not know me, and nor I her. I did not know that this man, who I thought was finally the right one, would be the worst one. We married within 1 year of knowing each other. He treated my son as though he was a dog. He would use my son to get at me. My neighbor saw him slam my son up against the house. At this time he was 5 years old. I could not work because he would torture my son. He would not let him eat. He was not allowed to use the refrigerator, even for something to drink. I had to take my son out of the house, and leave him with neighbors so he would be safe. One day, I came home from the store and my son had a gash on his shoulder. Blood was everywhere. I began to scream at my husband. He just sat on the couch as though nothing was wrong. I was a total mess. I could not leave the house and go anywhere without something happening to my child. I was very afraid of this man. I did not know what to do, because his family was for him, and they had money. He would do his best to choke me as hard as he could. He was arrested for assault for the first time, because when I told my therapist she called the police. I bailed him out and promised him I would not tell his family. He was on probation for a year. He walked a straight line during this period. But when he came off of probation, he became worse. He not only was physically and mentally abused me, he was a porno addict. Everyday he would sit and watch porn. The next thing he did was bring women into the house and have relations in front of me. I was numb at this point. I became paranoid about everything. I put a recorder under the couch and began to record him when I was out of the house. He was mentally and physically abusing my son. That is when the fist fights got worse and I had 4 break downs. I was hospitalized 4 times. I was then made out to be incompetent. I would get to talk to my son on the phone every other day. One day, he said "Mom, when are you coming back home? He is mean to me". I woke up that day in Hospital. I needed out of this place and now. I got out in a couple of days, and went to get my son. My son had to stayed with the neighbors while I stayed in a shelter. We both stayed put, until we got into our section 8 apartment. By this time I was on social security. Again I was free, and going to stay that way. Not only had I been physically and mentally abused, I found out that my husband had been drugging me to make me paranoid. That led me into 4 breakdowns. I had never been so far down, but the day my son said "Mom when are you coming home he is mean to me". My spiraling life of abuse came to a halt. That day I found myself and God. I continued to pray that God would help me. Even if it was just for my son's sake. This is only some of my story. As I got better, and found that I was a person, and no one controlled me but me, I became a human. I had grown up in abuse from day one, and my life became a day to day victim of abuse. For over 30 years I spiraled in abuse. One time was not enough, I had to do it 4 times over. But as I found myself, I got better and better. It was not an over night fix. It took sometime to get to where I am today. I continue to tell myself to keep my head up and look for those red alerts. I have been in therapy for 15 years, and it has helped me, once I let it. Even today, I have a fear of a relationship. I keep my distance from any male. I have put up a brick wall, and don't let my emotions show to often. I spent many years going to colleges to better myself. I did everything I could to fix what I could. It did not help me. I had to realize who I was, to be a better person. I had to dig down deep, and realize I was a person, and no one controlled me but me.
Robin Preston Golliher
This is a true story of Robin's life. I have the pleasure of knowing Robin, and she has turned what was a tragic life into a life of dignity. Though Robin suffered greatly, and should be bitter because of the scars she carries, instead Robin is the most kind person I've met in a long time. She is ready to help those less fortunate, and supports many charities through her book sales. To me she is a beautiful person inside and out. A smart, strong woman, which definitely, and without a doubt, makes her a FINA BELLA.
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